Sadness of the Soul
by AnimeGirl9781
Summary: [ON HIATUS] Ever since Zero made that promise to Yuuki on that fateful night, the world has been caving in on both of them. Will they be able to move on from each other? Set right after the ending of the anime or chapter 46 of the manga, although it's more manga-based. Pairing: Zero x Yuuki


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Vampire Knight! All rights go to Matsuri Hino.**

**This fanfiction refers to VK Manga Chapter 46. I just made the second flashback up. **

**This fanfiction is placed right after chapter 46. Pretend everything after that didn't happen. Just some starter info: **

**1\. Yuuki (main character): 16 years old. Yuuki now lives in the Kuran manor, which is comparably close to Cross Academy (like 5 miles? Idk if they mentioned it in the manga but whatever :p). Kaname lives with her (just as a brother!). Kaien Cross still cares deeply for her as her guardian for such long time!**

**2\. Zero (main character 2): 17 years old. Zero is still a prefect in Cross Academy. You'll find out more about him in the story.**

**3\. Kaname (side character: I included this info strip to avoid any confusion between Kaname and Yuuki's relationship and to make sure there are no barriers between Yuuki and Zero. Won't be mentioned much in the story): 18 years old. Kaname has gotten over his obsession with Yuuki (No offense, but hell to Kaname since he sucks. I'm just not a Kaname fan. Sorry folks) and is just an extremely caring normal ancestor/brother (and "slightly" a worrywart) who just really, really loves Yuuki (in a brotherly way, although sometimes his romantic feelings will leak!). **

**By the way, this is a Zero x Yuuki fanfiction, so if you prefer Kaname, maybe you shouldn't continue since he just plays a brotherly role in this story. **

**This is my first Vampire Knight story, so please don't hate! Reviews are always welcome! I apologize for any mistakes!**

**Okay, enough with my babbling now. Enjoy the story!**

-XXX-

Zero hates Purebloods. He has always hated them. After all, the one who killed his family – and the one who took away the wonderful life he could have lived – was a Pureblood. It's completely understandable. And yet, why does this pain feel so new to me?

It's been one month since I've left Cross Academy. I've received calls every week from Dad (Kaien Cross) and twice a week from Yori (Sayori Wakaba), but not from him. But he hates my kind. He hates me. It's not like I expected any calls from him anyway.

It's just that whenever I remember his silver hair and those lavender eyes and that rare smile that he only showed to me, it's not only my memories that ache. My heart hurts too. It pulses pain through my veins, leaving me feeling as if that night – the night when he made his promise – had just happened yesterday.

This is no new topic to me. And yet, I can't stop the pain!

_"__Ah…" I said. "So-…Sorry, Zero… Are you oka-"_

_His death glare silenced me. _

_"__Sorry…" I apologized again, still stunned by the look he had given me. It had looked so cold and hateful. "Well, if you're okay, then… If you're okay, then… that's goo- !"_

_Without any warning, I felt his arms snake around me, clutching me as if he would never see me again if he let go. _

_"__The Yuuki I know… is she inside you?" That's when I realized. This warm embrace wasn't meant for me, the vampire Yuuki. It was meant for the human me that disappeared a few days ago. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to suffocate from the pain growing in my heart._

_So I say the thing that I wanted to, even if it was just to convince myself. "…She is…" What I say next is the most difficult for me. "… Although she might melt into the other one and disappear completely… My memories they… the Yuuki who regained her memories and… "me" have always been one and the same… the boundaries between the two "me's" go melting into each other more and more… and I realized…" – I can't! My heart is tearing apart! – "… that I desired no one's blood but Onii-sama's… and that my thoughts are always so filled with him… that I…" It's almost as if my own body is struggling against my lie… I can't stand it anymore!_

_"Yuuki, I…" Zero broke the silence. "I only desired your blood Yuuki… I want it so much that it's unbearable… to the point that unless I drank from you until the very limits of your life, I wouldn't be satisfied… such a disgusting, gluttonous greed… that is the type of creature I am, isn't it?"_

_"__Ah!" I whimper. Zero's fangs pierce into my neck, and his hands dig into my back. He's done this before, but this just feels… different. It feels as if he's holding back so much…_

_Suddenly he pulled back and stared down at… nothing, apparently. The look in his eyes was all too familiar; it was the same look he had the first day I met him. Full of hatred and disgust, all for himself. "No, Zero," I wanted to say, but the words never left my lips. "It's not your fault. It's mine."_

_But then he leaned in, and then I felt his lips on mine. They were so soft, so tender, as if I was a porcelain doll that couldn't be tampered with. But the touch was fleeting; a farewell. No, I thought. It wasn't even meant for me. It was meant for a person he was searching for within me. _

_"__I… I want to ask you one last question, Yuuki. Now that you've regained your memories, are you rid of all your worries and fears…?" he asked. I realized that he meant my hallucinations before I had turned into the Pureblood I was. To be thinking of me even now…_

_"__Yeah… I'm fine even if you are no longer next to me." Again, it was a fib of courage; a lie._

_"__Me too…" he replied. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. "I don't have anything holding me back now… I can relax and focus on accomplishing my objective." I knew this meant getting rid of the Purebloods… but when was he going to come for me?_

_He turned away from me. "Go, Yuuki…" His voice was laced with a tightness that I couldn't decipher. "Go be next to… the man who can spend eternity with you. But the next time we meet… I will kill you, Yuuki."_

_My heart began pulsing poison through my body. It hurt too much! How could he just say that casually after knowing me for so long! Didn't he care a single bit? "Well, in that case," I said, forcing my voice to remain strong. Another fib... "I will keep running away from you, Zero. So that you will still have a reason to live… by still having enemies to go after." That's right. Wasn't I his enemy already? I was a Pureblood, and he hated Purebloods. He hated me. _

_As much as I tried to convince myself that it wasn't the case, I knew that it was. There was no helping it. I couldn't stay any longer – tears were threatening to spill out of my eyes. I couldn't let him see my vulnerability. I couldn't seem weak to him. _

_I turned on my heel and left. _

"Yuuki." There was a pause. "Yuuki! You're oversleeping!"

I opened one eye lazily. "Kaname?" He smiled.

Over the past few months, my brother had changed so much. For the better, that is. Before, he would've made me pay for my misdeeds, would've pulled me away from Zero no matter what, would've done so many other things to unintentionally hurt me. But ever since I left Cross Academy, or rather, even started to plan on leaving with him, he's told me numerous times that I looked like a living corpse. And he was being unusually soft on me.

_"__Yuuki, can I have a moment?" he asked, knocking on the door to my dorm at Cross Academy._

_"__Um, yeah, sure."_

_He sat down next to me on my bed. "Yuuki… I'd like to apologize for what I've done these past few years…" I listened to his heartfelt apology, feeling more and more attached to this brother of mine._

_"__Yuuki, my feelings for you will never change. If you were gone, Id rather die than find out." His hand went protectively over mine. "But I realized that you'll never see me the way I see you. I admit that it's a bit hard for me. But if the one you love is Zero, I'll always be supporting you." I looked up at him, surprised. I could see pain in his eyes… he was sacrificing so much for me. Way more than I had ever done for him. _

_I buried my head in his chest and hugged his waist, relishing the way he pat my head in return. I always felt safe when Kaname was there. It was enough for me._

But that was back then. Yes, he's still so kind to me since he gave up on me ever returning his feelings, but no, he's not enough for me anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. To have such a great brother, it disgusts me when I think about how much I truly take it to mind. But nowadays, it's almost as if he really cares about me, not just confining me to my room for his own feelings and reasons. But why am I so unappreciative?

"Yuuki? Yuuki?" Kaname's worried voice brings me back to life.

"Ah… sorry, Kaname-sama…" I replied. I was trying not to recall the nightmare I just had with Zero. I looked at myself on the mirror. Same face, same eyes, same everything, but I just didn't look the same. It was so weird. It was if everything had lost its light. I was staring at a stranger in the mirror.

Maybe it was because of that memory haunting me every night. I felt like I could barely sleep a wink. I don't know why… but every time I woke up, the pain on my heart only intensified. I had to accept this fate, since I had turned down Kaname's offer to erase all of my memories of Zero.

But as hard as I tried to forget, the memory still tortured me relentlessly. It was as if it was reminding me of how Zero despised the new me.

I suddenly felt the urge to call him. I don't know why, but my fingers just reached for the phone by themselves.

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

He's not going to pick up, I thought.

"Hello, Kaname."

"Ah… Hi Dad."

There was an audible gasp on the other side of the line. "Yuuki! I missed you so much! When are you coming back to my academy?" He continued gushing, and I could practically see a dreamy look on his face. I felt like snickering. It had only been two days since he last called me.

"Ah.. sorry Dad… but may I may I speak to Zero please?"

"Why, of course! Of course!"

There was a bunch of muffled shouting and scuffling sounds.

Finally, a voice came on.

"Hello?"

Ah, how I had longed to hear that voice for such a long time!

"Hello? Who is it?" he pressed. Still impatient as ever, I thought.

"Um… Zero?" I tentatively squeaked out "It-it's me, Yuuki."

There was a long pause on the other side of the line.

"Z-Zero?" I tried.

When he spoke again, I was shocked. His voice was dripping with venom. "You… you…" He seemed at loss of words. "Don't call me ever again, and don't speak to me ever again. Just leave me alone!"

The line went dead.

I stared at the phone in my hand while tears slipped down my cheeks. I know I had every reason to deserve this, but why was the pain still here, fresh as ever? Why did he have to say it like that? The hate and disdain in his voice was so evident…

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. One of the maids.

"Yuki-sama, breakfast is ready."

"I don't want it."

"But..."

"I don't want it!"

Then it was, "Yuki-sama, lunch is ready."

"I don't want it." I dismissed her again.

A few hours later, the maid came back. "Yuki-sama, Lord Kaname would like to personally have dinner with you."

My response didn't change. "I don't want it." I dismissed her for the third time.

I spent the rest of the night crying in my room.

-XXX-

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated!**

**XOXO**

**\- AnimeGirl9781**

**P.S. This is NOT the end of the story. There's more to come, including… Oops! No spoilers!**


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